As an essential tool in the ongoing shaping of the fictitious Central Asia nation of Grigovia, I drew of it a map. And while adding the final touches to this map, in order to correctly determine its bordering states, I consulted a pre-Unification Diercke Weltatlas (world atlas) from my days at the Gymnasium in Germany. I had forgotten how fascinating it was to look at an atlas, at my leisure to follow the contours of a random chunk of the Siberian landscape, to examine the living conditions in and population data for a township in Apartheid South Africa, to puzzle over a detailed and colorful analysis of the economy of Argentina in the 1989. Only with effort did I remembered my task, flip to the proper page, and write down Iran, Afghanistan, and Turkmenistan. My task completed, I looked back at the atlas fondly and appreciated it for having no bright display, no DSL uplink, no spyware, no malware, no netbook battery indicator counting down the minutes, no Tumblr feed to scroll through, no email to answer, no hyperlink to follow – that for ten minutes of my life on a Tuesday evening it was just me and a 20-year old book filled with pictures of countries, some of which no longer exist.
© americanifesto / 場黑麥
Today, 11 June, is the First of Seven Days of Grigovian National Celebration. The country would have like to celebrate some form of independence, but since it was never subjugated by invading hordes, nor was it ever enslaved by conquering army – by no one, not warlord Alexander the Great, emperor Xerxes II, the Ottoman Empire, the British Empire, the 3rd Reich, the Soviet Empire, nor more recent attempts by bannermen of Ynki imperialism – it simply chose a day at the onset of the summer months during which time everyone could let hair down and romp in hay. A rumor has surfaced claiming that on this day in the 13th century King Krukuv the Watchful dug his first tuber-hole (which is manifest even today as the leagues of tunnels that crisscross under Grig, the nation's capital), but none of the ancient text can corroborate this story, which is of no concern to Grigovians, who party whenever they feel like it and ask kindly that foreign powers stop pestering them.
mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥
Tschuirff, the local Grigovian delicacy made using acorn flour, ground czabtyip leaves, and curried goose meat, was today officially named the national pastry of this small, Central Asian nation. “It's just fucking delicious,” said Erya Rovend, erstwhile leader of the Farflung Free Nations of the greater Yaelong tribespeople and Grigovia's emissary to the United Nations, while scarfing down at least three of the small but filling pastries. “I've been staying in New York for the last three months, and I've eaten at all the good Thai restaurants a million times; there's just nowhere outside of the Yiptlong massif to get good mountain sharpstand leaves, so this, friends, is fucking heaven.” As of press-time, there are no plans to export tschuirff, so persons interested in tasting it are heartily invited to come to Grigovia, stay of a while, drink of the good cheer, and revel in egalitarianism.
mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥
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