A) The bicycle is a mechanical contraption used to move one or more persons through the physical realm by means of (primarily) human muscle power.
B) The bicycle consists of these basic elements: saddle, wheels, frame, propulsion system (gears), pedals, handlebars, and brakes.
C) To use a bicycle, sit down on the seat, grab the handlebars with the hands, and start pedaling with the feet, shifting the hips side-to-side (maintaining balanced) so as to not fall over.
[Immediately upon starting to write this I began to realize the difficulties involved in trying to define the logic of even basic human endeavors.]
D) Whilst bicycling, take care not to run into things, go faster than is safe, or do something (texting, talking, taking pictures) other than paying attention to and trying to avoid obstacles that may lie ahead.
E) Persons operating motor vehicles tend to give exactly zero fucks about persons operating bicycles; in order to live a relatively long life free of major injury, avoid busy roads and high-traffic areas (also, please wear a helmet and some form of protective for the eyes).
F) Keeping one’s bicycle in proper working order is essential to having fun whilst bicycling as well as getting from point A to point B quickly and without unforeseen and frustrating repair-related delays.
G) Sitting up straight whilst bicycling, with a straight back and the head resting comfortably atop the spine, opens the chest for easy breathing and allows the head to pivot easily from left to right (hence the phrase ‘keep your head on a swivel’) so that the cyclist (this is what someone who rides a bicycle is called) can quickly gather scraps information about what is behind himself using peripheral vision (i.e. without turning his head completely around and taking his eyes off of the road ahead).
H) Wherever the eyes looks or the head turns, that is where the bicycle will go. Keep the eyes and head pointed forward in order to ride in as straight a line as possible.
I) If forced to ride upon a street also frequented by motor vehicles, stay close to the curb unless circumstances (parked cars, open manholes, or similar obstacles) force you away from the curb, in which case it is 100% acceptable to take up the entire lane and cause a brief traffic-jam.
J) Persons operating motor vehicles will scream obscenities, yell curses, shake their fists, and even try to physically injure or kill a cyclist whom they feel caused them even the slightest delay upon their route. As with most such situations, the best response to anger is joyful compassion, since at the root of all anger lies a deep, inner sadness.
The above are but a few of the most important logical parameters related to bicycle riding. Please stay tuned for more articles concerned with the logical parameters related to activities such as dating, polite conversation, child rearing, &c.
© JPR / whorphan / americanifesto / 場黑麥