© americanifesto / 場黑麥
Six months after officially declaring that access to yoga instruction is an essential right of Grigovian citizenship, the first dedicated yoga institute opened this week, in Grig. Built around the notion that persons who practice yoga properly tend to lead healthier, happier, and more productive lives, the Grigovian Institute of Yogic Studies (grinyost) is dedicated to training yogis from around the world to teach this ancient art to the Banoyend. Housed in refurbished warehouse space adjacent to the Yalung River and mere blocks from the newly refurbished Liberty Illuminating the World, grinyost offers a dozen large rooms for classes up to fifty people, smaller rooms for groups of up to fifteen, and private quarters for one-on-one training. The organization's main meeting hall can seat five hundred persons and accommodate well over two hundred fifty yoga practicing yogis. All rooms have wooden floors and access to fresh air and sunlight. The building is certified environmentally friendly, with the majority of its electricity coming from roof-mounted solar panels and wind turbines; it has a full acre of rooftop gardening space, an osmotic wastewater treatment plant in the basement, and in-house laundry service. The top-most floors have been converted into short-term, dormitory-style living areas for traveling yogis, and its location in Grig's main backpacking quarter means that visitors can access affordable lodging and lively entertainment without traveling more than a few blocks. As part of its incentive plan to attract skilled yoga instructors from around the world, the Glorious Republic of Grigovia is offering a year's worth of room, board, and airfare into and out of the country to the first one hundred qualified individuals to sign up the grinyost website. Thank you for reading, and huzzah.
© americanifesto / 場黑麥
Citing concerns about the long-term feasibility, fundamental morality, and ongoing reliability of shipments of oil from Saudi Arabia and natural gas from Russia, the Glorious Republic of Grigovia began the process of shifting its motor-pools to biodiesel. “For too long we have ignored a fuel source that is renewable and that we grow here at home, preferring instead products sold by authoritarian regimes,” said Dr. Frederikka Velldoyend, Grigovia's prime minister. “With help from foreign and local experts and funded by sizable investment in the research and development of biodiesel technologies at our major universities, we expect Banoyend to have thrown off the yoke of foreign petrochemical by beginning of next decade.” One major stipulation of the Mandate for Energy Independence, or MAENIN, is that a majority of the plant material used to make Grigovian biodiesel come not from dedicated biomass but rather from waste such as rotten or spoiled or insect-ravaged crops, tree trimmings, construction and industrial wood-tailings, fallen leaves, and residential grass clippings. “Our preliminary research shows that the local timber and construction industries alone produce enough leftover wood scraps to provide biodiesel for half of Grigovia's government motor pool,” said Ryain Uloyenst-Hong, an American-Grigovian professor of applied sciences on sabbatical from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT). “Once we prove its feasibility and economy by converting our military and government vehicles to run on this native-grown fuel source, we plan to make it available across Grigovia,” said Theorovask Iyend, public liaison for the country's Interior Ministry. “In just a few years, at major fueling stations from Pyltagrad to Gar Nuuzsh, from Pryaghdoyest to Iysh, the Grigovian will be able to recharge or refill her vehicle with renewable electricity from solar and wind, imported gasoline, or local biodiesel. Huzzah.” Persons interested in brewing their own biodiesel should visit the Interior Ministry's website, where they will find detailed blueprints for building a biodiesel distillery, safety guidelines, and links to public funding sources. MAENIN is the newest phase in Grigovia's efforts to ween itself off fossil and non-renewable fuels. Over the past two years it has increased its energy production from geothermal and wind sources to cover 30% of national demand.
© americanifesto / 場黑麥
The time is upon us, the crops they are ripe, we Banoyend do give to Thankfulness hype. The larders are brimming, the silos are full, we're sitting on mountains of roots hemp and wool. The evenings come sooner, the days they grow short, come share of our bounty and fresh apple torte. The communes breathe easy, the comrades they rest, at least until month's end, 'till Thank-and-Praise-Fesst. Get ready for dancing, for games and much cheer, we're known for our fessting, by its light we steer. Our customs are rooted, in habits long true, we keep them unaltered, like a favorite shoe. Our mountains are craggy, our homes they are warm, so come by your lonesome, or in a great swarm. We welcome all peoples, regardless of race – or hairstyle, fashion sense, timing, or taste. Our buses are shiny, our planes are brand-new, we've tunnels aplenty, and fine hostels, too. So pack some stout britches and your biggest smile, our arms are wide open – come stay for a while.
© americanifesto / 場黑麥
Sometimes they come as single briefs, and other-times in bundled sheafs, but mostly they – surprise! – arrive in urgent blinking emails, these screams and cries that all ask please, What is the fearless Banoyend? and, Where does it reside? The author hopes these simple words will banish fears and calm some nerves: the Banoyend it is all things, through all of time and everywhere! Each beast and live being, energy and force, each footstool and fungus, galaxy and host, all persons and planets, both thought and xenon – Banoyend is all things both here and beyond. It's what drives all forces, and puzzles all minds, most pregnant of silences, things left behind; it is intuition, and bravery bold, it is stunning beauty, and death's grip ice-cold. Some Western cultures call it god, some Eastern name it prana, but people of Grigovia do call their ken the Banoyend. But why a name so strange and wrong for something that's been here so long? Banoyend, the useful noun, has roots both in Greek and Grigovian. Ban stems from pan, Greek for all, encompassing; and yend stems from yendt (or yinnd, yennt), Grigovian for thing, person, or beast. So there it stands, for once and all, pray let the queries come to end, dare drink it in, with soul enthralled, this mighty, quiet Banoyend.
mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥
blog updated thrice weekly
Among other things I am barber, bicyclist, surfer, vagabond, writer, and yogi.