May pagan Ynkiland ring
With his holy name
[ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ]
On this fine Tiw’s day
May pagan Ynkiland ring With his holy name [ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ]
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A healthy dose of
Civil disobedience Keeps a nation strong [ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ] Those with true power
Select whom others vote for. Little can change that [ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ] Seventy million
Born-again conservatives Threaten liberty [ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ] Outrage swept the internet today when tens of thousands of Americans went online to complain about the results sent to them by for-profit labs performing genetic sequencing to determine ancestry. “Africa. Every drop of blood in you comes from Africa. Duh. Read a fucking book,” all of the returned forms read, shocking some and non-plussing others. Instead of one or many pie-graphs, the forms merely featured a circle of light blue that said: Africa (100%). “Well, there goes a hundred bucks,” said Blane D. Whittlesrad, 34, while smearing sunscreen onto his pasty face for the short walk to the store and back. Industry representatives hope it will take at least a few more weeks until people catch onto the scam and stop sending in swabs for testing.
[ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ] In response to scores of mass shootings in recent months, the legislative bodies of the United States suspended the inalienable right of people to arm themselves. Taking precedent from the Sedition Acts of 1798 and 1918, which did away with the freedom of speech in America, both houses of Congress passed laws forbidding the possession or use of a firearm by anyone other than active-duty military personnel (while they are on a military base and in uniform).
In response to widespread criticisms, chairperson of the Republican party Ronna McDaniel said in a telephone interview, “Y’all got used to us taking away your natural right to speak freely. You’ll get used to us having taken away your god-given right to arm yourselves, too.” Groups across the United States initiated lawsuits to challenge the Specifical Unilateral Firearm Suppression Act (i.e. SpUFS, Pub.L. 98-102, 20 Stat. 228), many of them representing hunters and the makers of weapons. “This poppycock won’t stand the test of time,” said Rufus T. Glanstone III, a lobbyist for the National Rifle Association (NRA), which represents firearm manufacturers. In a statement, president Trump (who signed the bill into law) initially criticized SpUFS, then seemed to support it, then changed his mind and called it “garbage,” then said it would help “assure law and order,” then said he’d have to talk to his advisors before ultimately making up his mind about the whole thing. For the most part, however, life continued unchanged across America, as only a quarter of citizens own firearms and even fewer understand that the federal government already violated their sacred, inalienable right to free speech 230 years ago. [This is a work of satire. No part of this work is to be taken as a factual representation of the opinions of the persons quoted or of conditions within the American republic. No persons were interviewed and all quotes are purely fictional. For more information on the rights inherent to all humans - rights which no government can either grant nor rescind - peruse the links provided, see here, or do your own research.] [ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ] Fans of America’s top sports franchises awoke today to find many of their parks bearing the names of new sponsors. Now, instead of referring to venue as Coors Field or Miller Park, fans can find delight in names such as Honest Henry’s Crack-Cocaine (a domestic venture) as well as the Durango Cartel’s Peruvian Flake and the Greater Asian Prosperity Sphere Gang’s Opium Poppy Paradise (both foreign ventures). Black market stash-boxes are being built in many major sports venues to so that attendees can pick up the illicit wares sold by the new sponsors, and injection-rooms staffed by licensed nurses are being installed in stadiums across America to allow heroin users a clean and safe place to shoot up. Since it’s nearly impossible to control how many units of alcohol a given fan will drink during a sporting event, there will be no effort to restrict how many puffs, shots, or snorts of a controlled substance said fan takes, either.
Critics of the new sponsors were quickly drowned out by millions of alcoholic sports fans, who argued that the normalization of alcohol abuse by leading sports franchises justifies the normalization of all other drugs, as well. Recently, roughly 33,000 Americans died of overdoses involving opioids, fewer than half of the roughly 88,000 Ynki who die routinely from alcohol abuse each year. [ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ] Changed to serve the rich
Its Constitution threadbare The republic fails [ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ] I was in a throng of other people all queueing for to meet a powerful goddess. Beyond the sunken earthen trench in which we stood waiting lay snow on frozen ground. Set into the walls of the trench every few meters were crude cubbyholes fashioned out of unfinished pine logs, some of which I recognized as places I’ve slept rough. To our right and stretching above us reached a tall building clad in dark marble panels. As we stepped forward to be received we passed by a number of glass-doored rooms recently emptied of their inhabitants.
When it was finally my turn to be judged, the goddess swirled around me, prodding at my various bits and weighing my soul against Truth. From her back and the top of her head appeared to rise glimmering tendrils of an infinite, invisible energy. In the room with us were dozens of watching people, the formerly queueing multitudes. The goddess noted my progress in many areas, challenging me to defend my case to become bodhisattva. I pointed out the steps I’ve made toward living a life of virtue and compassion but was found lacking, and shown the door. I returned briefly to consciousness (discovering there a full and pressing bladder), then fell back asleep. The dreaming continued in a vast subterranean room (which, too, was paneled with slabs of dark marble) where I and a number of others were searching for a propellered flying boat that had been lost at sea. Analyzing satellite photographs and old maps we were scouring the wind-swept seas. From time to time I would also put my ear to a staticky handheld radio, hoping to detect a clue. Out of the white noise lept a single word, one which caused excitement yet confusion among the dozen-odd people individuals there: America. [ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ] A house demolished
From the inside cannot stand Then - desolation [ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ] Following nearly a decade of un- and underemployment, more people are now leaving than are entering the United States. “I had a decent job and a seemingly secure future before the Great Recession hit in oh eight,” said Randal E. Cummings, a machinist from the South. “Then the Fed just up and gave - no-strings-attached - two or three trillion dollars to the banks failing due to greedy and shortsighted practices, however. By doing so, the Fed stole wealth from the masses and gave it to already rich bank executives, who in turn gave themselves raises and million dollar golden parachutes. That just broke the American spirit; this place hasn’t been the same since.” Most of the nations to which the Ynki are relocating sit in Europe and Asia, where strong societal and political controls discourage the election of autocratic blowhards, and where citizens are engaged and informed enough to fight back against government corruption.
Researchers indicate that more people are emigrating from the U.S. than in any year since the start of the Great Depression, another time when banks stole billions from average Americans. “What with all our wealth siphoned off and an orange asshole in the oval office, it’s time to seek greener pastures,” said Yolanda M. Smithey, mother of three. “Land of the free, home of the brave? More like: Get on your knees, you foolish slaves.” americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ⌒⺵𝈣⦶𐂧|ㄭ⍥ㄭ|𐂧⦶𝈣⺵⌒
for people still sleeping and those who woke late: America is fledgling police-state The first wave of persons fleeing political and societal oppression in America has arrived at Krukov International Airport outside cosmopolitan Grig. Seeking asylum from the heavy-handed and anti-democratic policies being enacted by the administration of D.J. Trump, the former Ynki gladly relinquished their citizenship and took up oaths of freedom and responsibility under as well as loyalty to the Glorious Republic of Grigovia.
With cries of joy in their throats, the new citizens immediately moved into the well-maintained communal housing option of their choice. After a stroll in one of downtown Grig’s many public parks, they enrolled in classes designed to help them understand their latent artistic or creative potential and harness it to make their world a better, brighter, and more beautiful place. When asked what they missed most about America, the emigrants responded, overwhelmingly, with: “Little.” americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan personhood for Liberty?
Following the recent decision by the government of India to grant full personhood status to the Ganges and Yamuna rivers, members of the U.S. legislature are mulling a similar move for the concept of Liberty. Trampled upon by legislative decrees that stifle free speech as well as current police practices that deprive citizens of their property without due process of law, Liberty has had a hard go at things in America. Supporters of the attempt to grant personhood to Liberty are facing down these opposition groups, among others: ones that profit from America’s immoral, unethical, and unwarranted use of violence and war-like force at home and abroad (i.e. the military-industrial complex); ones that profit from the incarceration of American citizens for possessing drugs these citizens wish to use (i.e. the prison-industrial complex); ones that receive taxpayer fund as a reward for engaging in high-risk speculative behavior (i.e. the banking-industrial complex). In the unlikely event that Liberty is granted personhood, any individual or corporation that violates the Constitutional rights of Americans to live in peace with the various peoples of the world whilst altering their bodies with whatever drugs they choose without having to pay trillions of dollars to bail out greedy bankers; any individual who, or corporation that, abuses his responsibility toward the welfare of all Americans equally (this responsibility being itself indistinguishable from Liberty); such an individual will have his Liberty taken from him for no less than three days and no more than one year’s time, and such corporation will have its own personhood revoked and its assets redistributed for the betterment of all Americans equally (in the form of infrastructure, community gardening, or guaranteed basic income projects or the like). In betting houses around the world, the chances of American Liberty gaining personhood stand at 10,000 to one. americanifesto / JPR / whorphan / 場黑麥 on Californian secession
Following the example of Britain’s exit from the European Union, citizens’ groups within the Republic of California began exploring the steps required for it to drop out of the Union of American States. According to legal scholars, a people’s referendum will be needed for the West Coast industrial and agricultural powerhouse to secede peacefully from the confederation it joined in the year 1850. The U.S. Constitution prohibits violent secessions, but ones proceeding in a calm and peaceful manner are permitted. Proponents of California’s Exit from the United States, also known as Calexit, say it will allow the residents of that state to determine their own future without undue influence from bureaucrats in far-off Washington, D.C. According to the movement’s official website, Calexit is about “California [...] standing as an equal among nations.” The world’s sixth largest economy, the Golden State has long been a haven to which forward-thinking and enterprising individuals have flocked. Another effort under way is to establish the State of Jefferson in parts of northern California and southern Oregon. americanifesto / JPR / whorphan / 場黑麥 skinheads reach America
Early Monday morning, a raft carrying around 60 members of various European national-socialist groups landed on the southern coast of Long Island, New York. Bedraggled but apparently well-nourished, the racists had set sail from the west coast of France in the first days of November, braving the frigid North Atlantic during its volatile winter season in what by all accounts was an improvised and shoddily built vessel. Welcomed by members of the Ynki president-elect’s Commission on Domestic Reawakening (CDR), the neo-Nazis were quickly wrapped in blankets and lovingly spoon-fed hot soup. Shadowed and at times assisted by the U.S. Coast Guard during the final stages of their arduous journey, the white supremacists are expected to take up leadership positions in alt-right community organizations across America. Their president-elect approved mandates include the subjugation of dark-skinned peoples, the erosion of civil rights and liberties, and the propagation of “half-truths and misinformation,” according to Randall T. Weissensieg, sitting chairman of the CDR. “We thank the heavens for bringing these proud Aryans to our blessed shores,” he said, “and hope for a swift return to the days when the white race alone shone brightly at the apex of world society.” The raft used by the national socialists will be displayed alongside the now-defunct Constitution of the United States of America, whose essential tenets the Ynki long ago abandoned in favor of short-term corporate profit-making. © JPR / whorphan / americanifesto / 場黑 Americans of Bigoted and Racist Inclination (ABiRacIn, pronounced ‘aberration’), a confederation of white-supremacist with thousands of splinter-cells nationwide, held its final cyber-meeting of 2016. Organized by subgroup leaders in primarily rural areas of the American South and Midwest (with new cells opening throughout the Mid-Atlantic), ABiRacIn aims to intensify and perpetuate tendencies present in the Americas since Christopher Columbus set foot on Hispaniola in 1492 - hatred, greed, and a thirst for human blood. “We Americans of European Descent, we white people, are the only ones who deserve to receive the bounty of this great land,” said Harold Theodor Thomas Hammrsmeed, the group’s co-founder, at a press conference held afore the columned portico of his decrepit estate in southern Georgia. “We built this great land, we farm this great land, our forefathers fought and died for this great land, which means we and we alone ought bask in the fruits of America’s blessings. It doesn’t matter that coloreds whose skin-tones are slightly darker or more tan than ours worked as hard or harder to make this country rich and powerful; it doesn’t matter that the good soils we plant with grain to keep beef cheap, the tall mountains we tear apart in search of our beloved coal, were for millennia watched over and protected by red savages; the white man was, is, and forever shall be the only man who matters.” Emboldened by the election of Ronald Stump, who clawed his way to the presidency on a splintery plank of anti-immigrant and Islamophobic rhetoric, ABiRacIn has recently emerged from the shadows of the dark web, holding press conferences and staging rallies in small towns across the Ynki heartland. Labeled a hate group in 2003 by the Southern Poverty Law Center, ABiRacIn has voiced loud support for a right-wing activist recently selected to be incoming president Stump’s senior policy advisor.
© JPR / whorphan / americanifesto / 場黑麥 The Grigovian Office of External Affairs this morning announced an expansion of its immigration efforts geared toward Americans who are now (or will soon be) seeking political asylum from the upcoming reign of president-elect Ronald Stump. A candidate long on promises but short on policy, Stump - who rose to power on a gravy-train of petty but virulent white supremacy - appears to pose a threat to independent freethinkers such as journalists and artists as well as to women seeking the right to make decisions about their own bodily health. “Grigovia welcomes Ynki who desire to live in peaceful freedom and cooperative prosperity in a country that values and safeguards their liberty,” said Dr. Uoudya E. Eiyouust, head of the Parliamentary External Affairs Committee and architect of the expanded efforts. “In our Glorious Republic is room for individuals seeking to think as they see fit, who desire to write what they decide is best to write, who wish to be respected regardless of their gender or sexuality. Our integration and employment infrastructure provides immigrants with language classes, transitional housing, job placement assistance, and much more so that new arrivals can start enriching and enlivening our economy and culture instead of languishing in the shadows of pariahdom. If a Stump presidency scares you, friend Ynki, please consider Grigovia when making emigration plans. Our doors stand open.” For more information visit your nearest Grigovian embassy.
© JPR / whorphan / americanifesto / 場黑麥 On her second day in New York, she got a ticket for drinking in public. She’d been on foot, exploring the southern tip of Manhattan island. She’d bought a can of beer from a corner shop and sat in the park to drink it. In Grigovia, she thought to herself, adults are allowed to make adult decisions. In front of her stood a pair of police-officers. Tall female, shorter male.
“Why am I being punished?” she asked them, her olive complexion turning slightly darker. The cops shared a knowing glance, shook their heads slowly, and smiled. The taller officer showed her partner the ticket. He nodded, smiling, his hands resting on his thickly-studded weapons belt. “The public consumption of alcohol is forbidden in New York City.” Erya Rovend looked over at the sidewalk seating area of a nearby cafe. At a few of the tables, people were drinking what, to her, clearly appeared to be alcohol. Bottles of wine. Glasses of beer. “Next time, maybe put it in a plastic cup,” said the woman as she tore a paper slip from her notepad and handed it to Erya. She took out her leather passport holder and slipped the ticket into it. “You stay out of trouble now,” the man-cop said. He and his partner sauntered away into the park. Walking over a bridge later that same afternoon, the former Grigovian ambassador to the United Nations noticed a couple of young men scaling a chainlink fence nearby, dropping down onto the train tracks below, and rushing quickly out of sight. The way the men were dressed - their hooded sweatshirts and paint-stained backpacks - reminded her of friends back in Grig who did graffiti. She scaled the same fence as they had, dropped down also, and walked confidently into the gloom ahead. Soon enough, she could hear the familiar rattling of cans, the soft whooshing of paint being propelled out of steel cylinders. Pausing to look around at the walls of the tunnel, she found them to be covered in a riot of designs and shapes, words and figures blasted onto the surrounding concrete by countless former vandals. “Now this is good stuff,” she said aloud, whistling quietly, in appreciation. “You hear something?” one of the nearby artists hissed. “No need to worry, friends,” Erya started to say as she turned to face their general direction, stepping accidentally onto a piece of broken wood that spun away to break a discarded liquor bottle. There followed a flurry of zipping and cursing. The sound of people running. Then, silence. Climbing over the train that had separated them, Era Rovend discovered that the men had vanished, their good graffiti work unfinished. An unfinished piece glistened in the faint light coming from the tunnel’s mouth. To her it looked like a group of citizens standing their ground against a phalanx of riot police. Under it was written in black and glaring letters the following statement: Man The Barricades; Black Lives Matter. © JPR / whorphan / americanifesto / 場黑 |
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